Louis C.K. once said, “The meal is not over when I’m full. The meal is over when I hate myself.” I don’t live by this aphorism but of course, Louis, you are not entirely alone for I have been there amongst the many hungry, hungry, and then not hungry, but still very much hungry people who can’t and won’t allow for leftovers – so the food must be eaten! – And I’ve lived through the post-meal compunctions, lying backside in bed, pining for swift digestion, unable to pull from within one big, deep breath because, oh my god, I just devoured enough food to last me until the next Yom Kippur fast. And it’s not just “undone goes the belt buckle.” As if that trick works! No, Louis and I don’t care to burden ourselves with what’s to come, the amount of blood that will inexorably rush to our abdomens after the inhalation of so much yum, not to mention the naïve notion that this will be my last stomachache, that I will never again have a stomachache like this one – that yes, this will be my last stomachache, I promise. Oh, beloved food coma - how I love and loathe thee.

Yeah, so, a couple of weekends ago in Connecticut, on a rainy night with friends, I ate too much pizza. I couldn’t stop. It was homemade from dough to finish, and it was good. Crispy thin but also light and airy, I’m afraid to say this dough made for the best pizza I’d eaten in a long time. (My favorite spot is Di Fara’s on Ave J but the lines and the hype have chased me away.) Here’s what happened: when you’re making your own dough, you don’t realize how much pizza you’re potentially in for. There were four of us and so each of us made our own pizza, plus some more. We experimented with chopped pear, sautéed mushrooms, raw onions, artichokes, garden-grown spinach and basil, sauce on top, sauce on bottom, doubling the cheese; the amalgamations went on and on. No surprise when the stupor hit like bricks. Even the long walk we managed to take after the pizza-storm failed to remedy my body healthy again (or at least the feeling of healthy). Walking gave me side stitches and, honestly, I could barely breathe through the ingestion of so much cheese, toppings, and crunchy crust. But, but! – this time it had been different – this pizza overload had been so immensely worth the pain that as I was drifting off to sleep that night, I couldn’t help but fast-forward to the morning, dizzy again at the thought of one last leftover slice with my coffee. The meal will be over when I hate myself. A special shout-out to Michelle Hack, the woman responsible for walking my mouth and I through this award-winning (in my mind) pizza dough recipe, and to her saucy husband, Adam Hack, for his sauce contribution.

Are you ready?

Say hello to your KitchenAid.

First things first is to get started early in the day. Wait for one of those lazy days and really dedicate yourself to this dough. (You’ll feel productive!) Combine 15 oz H20 and 1 tsp yeast to your KitchenAid. Let it sit for a few minutes before adding 13 oz bread flour, 1/2 oz rye flour, and 1 1/2 oz wheat germ.

See: Yeast.

See: various flours and wheat germ.

Stir & combine all ingredients, then plastic wrap it up tight.

Set aside for 90 minutes.

Once that’s over, you should add 7 more oz H20, 13 more oz bread flour, and 1 1/2 tsp of (Connecticut) honey.

Mix the dough on low speed for 2 minutes. Then add 1 tbsp salt and mix on medium speed for 6-8 minutes. Do this until the dough stops sticking to the sides of the bowl. If you need to make it less sticky, throw a little more flour in there.

While this is going on, grease a large bowl (big enough for the dough to double in size) with olive oil. Put the dough in the bowl and plastic wrap it for a second time. Set aside for 45 min.

Like Biggie Smalls once did, get ready to “love the dough.”

Flour your work surface and turn the dough out. Pretend it has 4 sides and fold each side towards the center.

You love the dough.

Folded side down, return it to the bowl, and plastic wrap it for a 3rd time. Set aside for 45 minutes.

Sit by the window and watch the rain.

Flour your work surface once again and divide the dough into 6 equal parts, tucking the edges of each round under itself. Then, using a dishtowel to cover them, leave them alone for 5 minutes.

Then come back and flour your hands, gathering each round of dough into a tight ball. Generously dust a baking sheet with flour and place them on there. Cover the baking sheet with a dishtowel and leave them alone for an entire hour.

The day is flying, no? That’s because we’re on PIZZA TIME. Play a game of Scrabble if you get bored. That’s what we did.

Finally, the fun can begin. We watch Michelle’s initial demonstration.

She’s a pro!

Adam can be a real ball buster sometimes. Leave her alone, Adam!

Let’s see how Adam measures up.

Important note regarding your crust! OLIVE OIL, OLIVE OIL, OLIVE OIL. Wipe all along the perimeter.

Next up: me.

My turn.

Saucing.

Outta my way, Michael Brown!

Cook your pizzas until they look like they’re ready. You’ll know. And if I haven’t already made you hungry for pizza tonight, these shots should do it.

To die for.