Word association game, here we go. What’s the first word that comes to mind when I say BURGER?

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For me, it’s JUICY. Next, GRILL. After that, BUN. After that? I don’t know, maybe KING.

I should have known the Moosewood cookbook would throw me a curveball with their chapter on “burgers.” IF THEIR BURGERS CAN EVEN BE CALLED BURGERS. Because I’m pretty sure what I made last night should have its own chapter and that chapter should be called BURGERS THAT TASTE LIKE LENTIL COOKIES.

Does the below look like a cookie or what? I’m not really sure what I was expecting from a cookbook that “cooks for health” but the further down the recipe I got, the more disappointed I became with Monday night’s dinner. All the chopping of peppers and onions; all the pulsing of chickpeas and eggs; all the washing of dishes and cutting boards. All to show off a lentil burger dressed like a cookie? Are these honestly the dishes that excite vegetarians? I’m not saying these turned out bad, they didn’t. When I threw a “tester cookie” into our green leaf lettuce, pistachio, red pepper, red onion, and feta cheese salad, Michael took one bite and loved it. We may have even high-fived. But for me it was unsettling to have expected one thing and been given the other. Here’s how it went down.

Deep breath.

1 cup of chopped onions.

5 cloves of minced garlic.

1/2 cup diced red peppers.

Get your 1/2 cup of red lentils ready.

Throw them in a saucepan with 2 cups of water. Bring it to a boil. Lower the heat to medium and cook for 30-40 minutes, uncovered.

While the lentils are doing its thing, get your pan hot and oiled, Dump your onions in with a touch of salt. Leave it alone while it gets soft. About 5 minutes later, add the garlic, peppers, and a lovely array of spice.

Hi, spice: 1/2 tsp black pepper, 1/2 tsp salt, 1 tsp oregano, 2 tsp cumin, and 1 tsp coriander.

Oh, and 1 tsp dill. Can’t forget the dill.

Ok, so this was the part of the recipe where I was all 'hmmm, who needs veggie burgers when I’ve got a pan of garlic, peppers, and onions? (Oh, and dill.) Can’t I just make an omelet and fry up some chicken sausage?!'

But no, I stuck with it. I wasn’t about to forget my resolution to eat and appreciate more vegetarian entrees. We’re eating greek lentil burgers tonight, goddamn it!